Doing It Afraid: My Unqualified Testimony

It was March 2016, and for several months, I had felt the Lord placing a burden on my heart to pursue the hearts of some local friends and new acquaintances in my circle. Some were believers, others I wasn’t so sure about—but I knew they all needed to know Jesus.

I had never made it all the way through the Bible, nor did I have a confident grasp of theology. I didn’t have a favorite verse, book of the Bible, or Bible character. I would’ve most likely lost a game of Bible trivia—by a lot. 😬 I felt completely unequipped to do what God was calling me to do: open up my home and lead a Bible study.

“Wouldn’t this mean I’d have to pray out loud? Wouldn’t I be expected to answer tough theological questions? What if I had no clue how to respond—or looked dumb? What if I made a fool of myself and everyone wondered why on earth I thought I was equipped to start a small group!?”

Those questions swirled in my mind for months as I wrestled with God’s calling, insisting, “Once I make it through the Bible and feel qualified, then we’ll talk about it.”

Now I can’t help but chuckle, picturing God hearing my excuse and thinking, “Aww, she really thinks she’s going to do this herself. So cute.” ☺️

So, I kept delaying. My response sounded something like, “Not yet—once I feel ready. Once I’m educated enough. Once I’m eloquent in speech and knowledgeable about Scripture. Once I can pray out loud without fear—and with all the right words.”

But that day never came. Why? Because God wanted me to do it afraid. He wanted the glory. And if I waited until I felt “ready,” what kind of testimony would that be?

Would it sound like this?
“Yup—I launched a Bible study as a seasoned seminary graduate, having read the Bible cover to cover five times! I can answer every theological question with the perfect verse!”

Nope. Not even close—and not how God usually works.

He wanted to use the messy, relatable, unqualified, unequipped little me to beautifully testify to verses like:

2 Corinthians 12:9–10 (NIV)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Exodus 4:10–12 (NIV)
“Moses said to the Lord, ‘I have never been eloquent… I am slow of speech and tongue.’ The Lord said, ‘Who gave human beings their mouths?... I will help you speak and teach you what to say.’”

1 Corinthians 1:27 (NIV)
“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.”

 

So I did it. I stepped out in faith, opened my home, and—several amazing small groups and ten years later—I’ve seen the fruit of that one small “yes” ripple through my life and the lives of others.

This isn’t to toot my own horn, but to remind myself (and anyone reading) that God will use you before you feel or look ready.

I find it fascinating that both Moses and Paul—two of the most powerful figures in Scripture—openly admitted feeling unqualified in speech. They wrestled with what we’d now call “imposter syndrome.”

Paul wrote, “I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power.” (1 Corinthians 2:1–4)

Even in our reluctance, God delights in using our obedience to reveal His strength, power, and authority through us.

The Next “Yes”

Then, eight years after that first Bible study, He did it again.

When I was unexpectedly laid off in June 2023, God invited me into a nine-month season of rest. During that time, He taught me what it means to be a Mary rather than a busy Martha—to simply sit at the feet of Jesus. To stop performing, producing, and striving—and to rest in His presence while trusting His perfect timing for whatever came next.

In March 2024, God called me out of my comfort zone—public health—a field where I held a Master’s degree, two internships, and a decade of experience—and into something entirely new. Once again, I felt totally and completely unqualified.

After applying for dozens of jobs and turning down four offers (including one nearly double my last salary), I finally received clarity: God was calling me to ministry—the great unknown.

Yes, it was the desire of my heart and the dream job I’d always imagined—launching a ministry for girls and mentors—but stepping into it was still terrifying. I had no clue what I was doing. I still feel overwhelmed almost daily. But as a dear friend once said, I'm so thankful I don't worship a God whose love is based on feelings. 

I can’t tell you how many times I “just glanced” at Indeed, just “to see” what was out there… in case I decided to retreat to the comfortable corporate world I knew so well. But God wouldn’t let me turn back. And truthfully—I wouldn’t let myself either.

Because more than anything, I just wanted to be obedient.

I’ve always believed that God’s best for us isn’t found in striving, but in surrender—that He knows our strengths and the deepest desires of our hearts better than we do.

So, I kept moving forward—one prayer, one quiet morning, one small act of faith at a time—committing my plans to Him so they would succeed. And over time, I began to see that success looks different to God.

Success isn’t a ministry that reaches thousands or shelves filled with sold-out books. It’s not being published, going viral, or even turning a profit. True success, in God’s eyes, is one thing: obedience.

It’s the fruit of obedience that glorifies God—one faithful step at a time.

Just like with fasting, the fruit of your faithfulness doesn’t always appear today, tomorrow, or even in this lifetime. But if God’s response is, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” then you’ve done exactly what He’s called you to do.

If He uses your “yes” for the one sheep—to lead one heart closer to Christ—then your “yes” will be worth it.

So when you feel like you’re not measuring up, you’re ready to quit, but you know in your heart this is God’s will for you—to serve, to mentor, to start that ministry, or to quit that job—don’t hesitate.

John Bevere recently posted:

“God intentionally made your calling beyond your natural ability so you would have to depend on His grace to fulfill it… He made it bigger than your ability so that His grace would be your source.”

 

Wow. That truth emboldens and empowers me to step out and say “yes.” It fuels me toward the wilderness, the unknown, and the place where I have to say, “I can’t do this alone—I need You, Lord.”

Because I’ll never be enough on my own, without Him. I’m in need of a Savior—and I want to live in a place where I must rely on Him daily.

I can only imagine what He can and will do in and through me if I keep giving Him the reins and loosening my grip on control.

The question is… will you do the same?